Seven Months Later

It's been a little over seven months since DH and I set a new 'course.' He brought it up the other day and so I thought I'd take stock of our progress.

Mentally, I feel like I've made some headway. I'm much more thoughtful when it comes to 'stuff,' both in terms of getting rid of excess possessions and the acquisition of new ones. Yes, I bought four pair of stretchy pants at Target two weeks ago, but that's because I read jeans are bad for your alignment (and, therefore, overall well-being). They also look pretty good and are comfortable as hell for sitting in the floor (also better for you than chairs), playing blocks or trains or reading with my 2-year-old.

I forgot to mention that DD turned two, two weeks ago. That's for another post but I'll just say that "play witt me" are my favorite three words right now.

26#, 9.9oz. of T.R.O.U.B.L.E

I made her an 'Easter bunny' cake. I dyed coconut and then put a chocolate bunny and a couple of peeps to hold the candles on top. It was adorable, as was the look on her face.

Anyway, now that we've moved back home (and twice in 4 months), we've definitely gotten rid of a lot of excess stuff. There's still more but we're down to the potentially interesting/valuable stuff and will sort through and try to sell whatever we decide we can't display. We do have some room in the attic to store stuff but it really needs to be reigned in, as well. If we can keep it to seasonal and necessary, as opposed to mountains of yarn and fabric I'll never make into anything or boxes of old and never 'might need it' computer parts, we'll be able to breathe easier.

Did you notice my new kitchen in the cake photo above?!?

It's so nice to have something, well, nice. It's just a house but hopefully one we'll really get to enjoy, as long as we're here. Then, if and when the time comes to sell, hopefully it will be one that will make a nice return on our investment.

We've talked about some sailing classes but I'm back working part-time and we're just trying to get through the final bit of unpacking and returning to 'normal.'

Working part-time means my parents keep DD and DS, part-time. DS has taken his time getting used to taking a bottle (although he does fine for me and for DH), so it's been a little stressful for my folks. This is only the fourth week, though, so I'm sure things will settle down. DS has the best smile, not to mention the dimples! His eyes are still just barely hazel but are heading toward brown. They're the biggest, brightest, smiling-est eyes. We even had to trim his hair to keep it out of them. He's working on rolling over and makes the most interesting noises. He's a big fan of his hands and feet and he thinks his sister is pretty cool, too.

Progress! (exhausting progress)

First and foremost, demolition started today!

We applied for the refinance on our house on a Friday in mid-October and had the appraisal scheduled for the following Monday morning, so spent the whole weekend furiously cleaning and finishing up as many almost-completed projects as we could. Not the easiest task, especially with a toddler who wants to be involved and won't really nap. With great weather, and a little help from our favorite neighbors, we got a LOT done and the house was looking pretty good.

The appraisal didn't come in quite where we'd have liked, though, so we had to look at our quotes and figure out what to do next. Between the project, moving and almost doubling our living expenses for a few months, and my pending maternity leave (only partially paid), it adds up fast. We don't want to spend all our savings to make up the difference, either. Our contractor has been great and was more than happy to talk with us about some ideas and then rework his quote to cut some things.

We closed on the refi 30 days after we applied and then moved to the rental house the weekend before Thanksgiving. Technically, we just emptied what was left out of our house last night. We've been living at the rental for almost two weeks now and feel fairly settled in. Most of what's left to unpack is stuff to go through and mostly toss. Architecture students collect an amazing amount of paper and other materials, but the value of most of it is significantly diminished by our current lack of need for balsa wood and chip board. We can only save so much for DD to color on.

We picked up our awesome FLOR carpet (that we designed and still love) and will put it in the den at the rental. It's held up pretty well for 5+ years of daily vacuuming and steam cleaning several times a year, not to mention the wear and tear of two 60# dogs and now DD. We'll definitely have to replace some tiles before we move it back to our house, but I'm sure the dogs will like having more space to stretch out and shed at the rental.

I stopped by our house on my lunch break to see what's going on... there's a dumpster in the driveway and the kitchen cabinets are in the living room and the den/office/dining room (we used it as an office before, but will probably make it more of a dining area/den when we move back.)

Note the poor Bronco and the sad driveway...

No more cabinets!


You don't want to know what it looks like under/behind your cabinets.

It has been an exhausting and sometimes stressful process to design, draw, price and sort out all the details... but I'm really excited about it, now. The reality is we're not even done, we still have to finalize the cabinets and a few other details... and it will be weird not doing the work ourselves like we have for so long. I'm also 39 weeks pregnant today, so I have good reason to be tired... but I actually feel pretty good!

I will try to go by fairly regularly and take progress photos... maybe even with the DSLR instead of my phone... and soon with a newborn in tow!

You're Doing it Wrong

I read an interesting post on being afraid to fail over at The Fearful Adventurer. It talks about projects that remain unfinished and dreams that are never realized, all to avoid failure; about being "unpleasantly distracted for an entire lifetime." I think we're all guilty of doing that at least occasionally; that's the essence of procrastination. To choose to sit still as opposed to accepting an offer to do anything? To continue in a crap job or a crap life all to avoid the possibility that what lies around the corner might be difficult? I've frequently thought, while in the middle of doing something new or even a little risky, "I don't like this," or "I'll never do this again," but rarely have I arrived at the other side and not been glad I'd given it a shot.

The other side of the failure coin is the fear of judgement. This is one that nags even after the deed is done... "what does so-and-so think of me or of what I said/did?" Will it matter in five years? Will it matter in one year? In most cases, probably not, most other people are far too concerned with their own lives and problems. And, really, a friend wouldn't berate you over little failures and one who does is a friend not worth keeping. Then there's self-judgement... but the chance of being awful at something is a risk worth taking if it turns out to be untrue, or to lead to the discovery of an actual talent.

As a good friend put it, "If you've got the ability and the opportunity and you're NOT doing it... you're doing it wrong." I try to remind myself of these things whenever hesitation creeps in unnecessarily...

A recent example is that I finally feel comfortable driving a manual transmission vehicle, as of two weeks ago. I know, it's silly. I should have learned and been proficient long ago, especially considering I've spent the better part of the last 15 years with an avowed automatic hater. DH has only ever owned manuals and complains every time he drives my grocery getter. In my own defense, DH isn't always the most patient teacher and my early learning experiences weren't helped by the quirkiness of the 1990 Bronco... I'd get ridiculously nervous with the whole proposition and would come up with plenty of excuses for why I didn't feel like it or didn't need to deal with it. In his defense, DH is a great driver and has a lot of experience with a wider variety of vehicles and even with some sticky situations... and my best excuse was always that he liked driving and was better prepared to handle sticky situations.

Jeep, Dodge, and camper set up last fall in TN

Out of necessity (moving two vehicles at once) I had to drive our Dodge pickup a couple of times in the past few months and then, a couple of weeks ago, the 1998 TJ. I did fairly well (considering the quirkiness of four angry squirrels and no torque) and decided I HAD to drive it to work that week, no more excuses. Sure, I still stalled it a few (dozen) times, but I got way more comfortable with it and got rid of the hesitation and nervousness. Am I as smooth as DH, not yet, but he's been doing it for over half his life. Yay, me.

So we continue to make plans and work our way through realizing a few little dreams we've had, like having a more modern kitchen in our tiny 1940s house. We continue to work through getting rid of some of our stuff, or at least wrapping our brains around going from 880 square feet (that doesn't include the attic and garage/shed) to probably something like 450 square feet on a sailboat. I have given myself a deadline to photograph more items to post on CL today. Photos are done, just need to get things listed tonight. No hits on what I posted last week, although DH did have some interest in our older DSLR that he posted on our forum. We haven't started on bigger stuff and some of that may depend on whether or not we end up keeping the house and renting it out while we're gone...  but I'm hoping I can get DH in the garage to start planning an attack on the stuff that needs to go to the scrap yard or the dump or get posted on the forum... this weekend.

Weekend recap and a survey

We had the best weekend! Friday was a little rough. I left work a little early and picked up DD, who has been dropping her second nap and gets pretty cranky in the evenings as a result. I was unusually exhausted (even for 29.5 weeks pregnant) and, when DH got home a little early too, took a nap for about an hour. He took DD outside to play and pick up sticks in the yard (it's not child labor when she loves to help, right?) and then I made dinner after I woke up. She was just not satisfied, no matter what. Hungry? Maybe, but that still didn't fix it. Teething pain? Maybe, but a little something cold or even rubbing the gums didn't fix it. She finally gave it up about 8:30pm, but then woke up at 4am and didn't fall back asleep until at least 5:15. Ugh.

Saturday was beautiful and we spent the morning and most of the afternoon doing little chores around the house and spending time in the yard. DD caught an anole!

It was the funniest thing, and I still don't know how it got in the house much less how she caught it. He was a teeny baby, less than an inch-and-a-half from the tip of his nose to the tip of his tail. I was moving laundry from the washer to the dryer and she was toddling around the adjacent office/sunroom. She was kind of quiet, so I peeked around the corner of the door to see what she was up to. She came from behind a chair, in front of the windows in one corner, with something in her hand, holding it palm up but with her fingers closed into her palm (not quite a fist). It looked greenish and my first thought was leaf or bug. Nope, she had this tiny anole by the tail! I was able to catch him from her and call for DH to see before we took it outside and set him free on the patio to watch him scurry away. We even saw an adult later, on the side of the house, so I could show DD the 'mama' lizard.

We even got DD to take two naps, the second one on our way to the stadium to tailgate with family and friends and then watch three quarters of a very one-sided football game. She is so not shy (at least most of the time), and had a blast clapping, dancing and waving at everyone around us. She slept better that night, too. What is it about more nap time and sleeping better? The better rested they are, the better they rest or something, I think I've heard.

Sunday (yesterday) was even nicer... a little cool and definitely fall-like. We started off early at our favorite country breakfast place. DD ate like a linebacker and I ate more than I should have. I mean, the pancakes are huge (11" diameter!) and I usually eat maybe half of one, including sharing a few bites with DD. Between the two of us, we ate at least 2/3 of it. We ran a couple of errands and got DD to fall asleep on the way back home. I'd hoped for a repeat performance of the afternoon nap in the car, since we were leaving for a mid-afternoon wedding a little over an hour away, but no such luck. She powered through the outdoor ceremony (my dad did take her around back of everyone so she didn't have to sit still), cocktail hour, dinner, and she danced to the saxophone music during cocktail hour and the DJ after dinner. She gave hugs and kisses 'bye' before passing out as soon as we were in the car to leave, at about 8:15. Stirred once around 11 and then nothing until 6 this morning. If you don't have kids, you have no idea how awesome that is.

Speaking of this wedding... it was the absolute cutest, most fun event and it was really a great reflection of the bride, groom, and their families. My cousin, the bride, grew up showing cows for her grandparents' dairy farm and now she's a veterinarian. The groom also grew up on a farm and, with degrees in Human Resources, Science, and Agricultural Business Management, he helps run the family farm in western NC. The ceremony and reception took place in a 1940s dairy barn that has been refurbished into an events facility with a catering kitchen and space for dinner and dancing. The ceremony was out behind the hayloft, on the lawn overlooking fields of soybeans and recently cut corn stalks. The sky was completely clear except for the visible moon. The cocktail hour consisted of local wines & beers and meat, cheese, and fruit hors d'oeuvres passed on trays with little cards containing agricultural facts. The place cards were printed on labels attached to bright pink (the bride's favorite color) ear tags and the tables were labeled with farm animals and farm equipment. The dinner was good southern food... barbeque pork, grilled chicken, green beans, mashed potatoes, macaroni & cheese and deviled eggs. The cake was beautiful and delicious. 

Even if I wasn't pregnant, I'd still talk about the food.

I found this survey some time ago and held on to the list of questions, for fun... The sun is shining and some of these made me smiles that much more.

Hometown? the tiny community of Timberlake, NC
Parents still together? well... it's complicated... and not just on Facebook.
Siblings? two brothers, this one and this one
Pets? two very spoiled labrador retriever mixes... both rescues

Smoker? nope
Drinker? I like good beer but it tastes funny when I'm pregnant and, well, I'm pregnant
Favorite Color? Black. Ok, you know I'm lying... it's orange.
Favorite Flower? Daffodils. There were tons in my grandmother's yard and we'd pick and fill the house with them.

Favorite Candy? That's a tough one, because I love candy, especially the old-school penny candy variety. I'll go with Hot Tamales... or Mary Janes... or...
Collect anything? I used to collect little clocks, 3 is considered a 'collection' and DH cut me off at 5 or 6. I've given a couple away, now that we're getting rid of clutter.
Biggest Fear? That's a tough question... it pains me to think of my loved ones suffering, but I'm fairly content with the concept that life happens and shit happens...
Biggest Weakness? DH or DD's laugh, definitely. Cures all sorts of ills. Doggie kisses from my two favorite bad dogs are good, too.

Oh, and we had to find DH a new pair of slacks and a shirt to wear to the wedding. Yes it was adding to the stuff, but it was a good excuse to cull at least one pair of slacks and 4 or 5 shirts from his closet to donate.

The Ball is Rolling

We're still both very excited about the idea of sailing and living aboard (or something) and have found a couple more interesting blogs and articles by people living aboard with kids. Our main 'planning' task is figuring out how to support ourselves. The idea we have is to take a 'shotgun' approach, and identify or develop several marketable skills and see what works and what works well. I read last night that the Schultes are writing a book on not only their choices to pursue passions and dreams but also how they fund their lifestyle and, specifically, Pat's experiences in trading stocks. Should be interesting reading! I can also confirm that they do reply to every email, as Ali was kind enough to help me with my question about concrete criteria for paring down. She confirmed that you do the best you can to clear out the excess and then you'll quickly figure out what works and doesn't once you shove off... either finding things you need or shedding things you don't. Her main piece of advice was basically to "get rid of everything you are not using now." It was really cool to hear back and it gave us an extra boost of enthusiasm.

I've taken even more stuff to Goodwill and I have a load to take to the Salvation Army (each takes donations of different types of things). I also posted a few things on craigslist last night and DH posted our older Nikon DSLR on the forum we run (which will also go on CL if no one on the forum bites). I have lots more to photograph and post, but it feels good to start the next step in our "clearing-out" process. The more we unload, the more motivated I think we'll be to keep it up.

DH and I celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary last week. It was actually the same day as my midwife appointment. Even though I knew they were the same day and we spent several hours and had lunch together, neither of us remembered until the middle of the afternoon. Our celebratory dinner consisted of sandwiches and chips. We did go back to the beach for the weekend, near where we were married on the Outer Banks of NC, and had some yummy fresh shrimp for dinner. The dogs had a blast playing on the beach and in the sound and we had great weather.

I've posted this photo before, of us the morning after our wedding... we were tired, a little hungover and DH had no grey hair then.


I'm 29 weeks pregnant today, which means I'm into the third trimester. That blows my mind. I had a midwife appointment last week where they did the Glucose Tolerance Test (no news is good news so I apparently passed) and also tested my iron/hemoglobin. That was a little low so even though I eat pretty well/healthy, I need to try to get the number back up before 36 weeks. I'll go in every 2-3 weeks, for now, but they won't check until 36. It dipped and went back up with DD, so fingers crossed. Everything else was good, though, as far as weight and the measurements they take. The midwife did seem somewhat incredulous that I'm working full-time, have a toddler who doesn't always sleep well, AND I'm almost seven months pregnant. DD is sleeping better, but she has eye teeth coming in and they're the worst so far. In other 'baby' news, we're proving to be just as slack (if not more so) with belly progress pics. We've taken some, but have yet to post any. I'll try to work on that.

Speaking of DD... this photo is a couple of weeks old now, but get a load of this kid... such a wallflower. New words are coming almost daily now, although there is still lots of 'nonsense' talk... but she will repeat entire phrases (that we can't understand at all) and we figure she just thinks we're dumb. Still climbing everything, trying all sorts of new feats of strength, agility, and parental nerve-wrecking. We're going to my cousin's wedding this weekend, it will be her second but first since she's been truly mobile (we were both in my first cousin's wedding last November). She's going to be a hit on the dance floor, I guarantee.

Stuff - Part 2

Knowing the reasons behind the piles (and not just of clothes) is one thing. Dealing with them is another. It is a process but one that has been underway for some time, due to space limitations of our 880 square foot house. We're kicking it into high gear because, as DH said, "Let's get on with it."

You can search "How to pare down..." and find lots of ideas and tips that say to evaluate your stuff and determine how important it is to your life. That's great... but I find it to be, on the one hand, a little incomplete when dealing with the reasons why I hold on to stuff. I need more concrete criteria.

On the other hand... what/how much do you really need on a sailboat or in a VW bus for four years? My biggest problem, with clothing especially, is nostalgia... in the form of screen-printed t-shirts that I don't want to give up, or that DH says I cannot give away. Well... I can only hold onto so much stuff to fit DD "later", but as long as it fits, it has a chance. I'm well-practiced at relinquishing older items when I find new ones, just due to lack of closet space and not wanting to be bothered with changing out for the seasons.

I've been offloading bags of "stuff" to the local Goodwill almost weekly, between outgrown baby clothes (much has gone to a couple of friends with daughters a year younger than DD, because some stuff just won't work with this December baby, no matter the gender), stuff I haven't worn in two years and will probably never wear again, old cds we never listen to because we have the mp3s, and kitchen clutter we don't use (no one needs THREE Pyrex pie pans). I've identified several items worth posting on ebay or craigslist, including some accessories and collectibles I usually see listed.

I found yet another travel blog called Life Remotely that does a great job of listing out their gear and personal belongings... super critical with three adults in a Toyota Forerunner! Their best quote, "Travel isn’t about stuff. Get over it. Stuff is stuff. It is replaceable. Travel is about people and places and experiences. The less stuff you have to worry about, the more you will be able to enjoy the present."

You can probably replace "travel" with "life" in that quote. Food for thought... more later.

Stuff - Part 1

OK, yes, I know... I'm busy making plans. Ha. Remember, this is an alternative to the "deferred life plan," as I think Tim Ferriss calls it.

First order of business in preparing for our 'around the world cruise' is getting rid of the clutter that's holding us back...

Now, I don't care how much "stuff" anyone else has. Hoarders are weird, but there is definite evidence of bigger (mental?) issues involved there. I don't begrudge anyone their iThingies or anything like that. It isn't political and it isn't environmental. Eat all the pie, smoke all the cigs and collect all the what-nots you want. For me, personally, I get frustrated by the mess.

I'm no minimalist, by any stretch, and I don't have time to be very organized... if you looked around, you would say I'm full of crap. You'd be partly right. My house is full of crap, my desk is full of crap. There are lots of memories and nice things, too... and I have a weakness for anything made by hand.

My frustration is with organizing the stuff and keeping it so I can find things when I need to... without having to move piles of other stuff. It is my lack of control over the stuff and the lack of knowing what to do with most of it... you know, in the 15 minutes I have, most days, after walking the dogs at lunch before heading back to the office, and the other 15 minutes I have, most days, after the baby goes to sleep and before I crash.

Part of my problem is the "gonna have to have/need it" that has a couple of sources:

The Great Depression.
Growing up, I spent a lot of time with my grandparents who grew up in the 19-teens and '20s. They were farmers who worked hard and didn't have a lot extra. I loved them immensely and miss them terribly. Their property had several outbuildings in which you could find all manner of parts and pieces to things... they had the room and it wasn't a bad idea to keep it around. They put up food for the winter. All good habits, until you apply them to the trappings of a more modern life and then things tend to get out of hand.

The trappings of modern life and enough financial freedom to hang myself.
Going to college, getting a little autonomy, getting a credit card, getting part-time jobs... having free time and no real way to spend it other than going to the mall with friends. I'm very fortunate to have never run up crazy credit card debt. Meeting DH sophomore year probably helped, because I had also stopped hanging out with some serious shopaholics and he hates to shop. I'm almost equally fortunate for being just as (if not more) interested in the 'deal' than the label... but those deals still add up. If not on the monthly statement, they add up in the closet. Clothing is self-expression and I'm cool with that. Maybe I just need to figure out exactly who/what it is I'm expressing. LOL

(Updated after sleeping on it) Gift Guilt.
I think this related to 'the trappings,' but is different enough of an issue to deserve its own heading. I think a lot of the stuff I have trouble giving up is gifts I've received. They're modern life-related because it is knick-knacky stuff, mostly. Candles, pottery, and other things that people give you when they a.) find out you like that sort of thing or have several items already, or b.) don't know what else to get you (especially if you are a girl). Nothing is wrong with these gifts, it is truly the thought that counts. I think, though, that if you are not the kind of person to ever burn a candle that smells of fir trees or do anything other than dust a pair of votive holders in the shape of squirrels... maybe they need to find a home with someone who will enjoy them more.

Part 2 will be me trying to come up with ways to evaluate what to toss and then how to toss it... I've never used ebay, but I had an idea to reactivate my etsy account and maybe try to sell some things that way.